Hammies vs Stars: My Hammies have turned into ZombieHabs

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Okay so I missed most of it because I was on my way back from Kingston... but yeah.... I just walked in and checked the score and.......

WOW. Hammies got blown out 5-0. I don't really know what to say here other than.... that's awful.

The explanation is simple though.

The Hammies turned into zombies.

No really.

Look, Jacques Martin is secretly a zombie come to turn all of Habsland into ZombieHabsLand. Seriously. It's a plot by the Sens to destroy Habsland because they're just jealous that nobody wants to sing a "stupid soccer song" when their team wins (the Sens tested their zombie on the Panthers first before getting the Habs to hire Martin).  Seriously. The Cave is actually a secrete lab in which the Sens create Super Zombies. They put their arena in the middle of nowhere so people wouldn't  go wandering by it randomly and notice all kinds of weird smoke spewing out of it.


As we've seen all year, Martin has slowly turned out Habs team into ZombieHabs. The Hammies have been safe in Hammietown but the Sens needed to find a way to infiltrate Hammietown too. So they knocked out a pile of ZombieHabs (and you thought I was wrong to hate Volchenkov!) so the Hammies would be forced to send their poor brave men off to fill the depleted ranks of the Habs.

When PK, David and Pyatt went up they got turned into ZombieHabs too. And now since they came back... Sundayish, they've had several days to spread their ZombieHabs Germs around. Now everyone has come down with it!!!!

Fear not though! The Hammietown is well equipped to deal with such zombies. That's why Guy was really hired. He's here to combat the ZombieHabs! Apparently that's what people learn at McGill... they learn how to combat Zombies! Or something. I've heard a good smack upside the head can help reverse the effects and restore the zombies back to their original state (provided they're not too far along in the whole turn-into-a-zombie-process).

Oh and apparently there's a strain of Toskala-itis in there too which Teddy and Sanford have come down with. It's a terribly contagious decease which affects only goalies. It is treatable though and goalies have been known to recover from it. Some can recover quite quickly.


If you really want to know the semi-good news in all of this.....

Let's flashback to the Voltigeurs season last year because I feel like it, plus one can still equate them with Guy. You know the season.... Voltigeurs pounded the crap out of everyone in the regular season and then proceeded to pound them some more in the playoffs. Blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc. ANYWAY. The team did have a (small) stretch of crap games. After squeaking by Montreal 5-4, they then lost to them 4-0 a few days later (oh yes, the one and only time I can remember my Juniors beating the Voltigeurs. I think it was a fluke to be honest), they followed that loss up with a horrendous 10-2 loss to Gatineau (yes, 10-2) which then was followed by a 5-4 shootout loss to Shawinigan. Finally Mooski came around and stunk and the Voltigeurs sorta kinda got back to winning again.

The point is?

5-0 is a horrendous score to lose by. I don't approve of it at all and I hope the Hammies get their act together before their next game. BUT it's one game in the grand scheme of a whole season. So we'll let this one slide (providing of course the Hammies get back to winning immediately or at least stop the spread of the ZombieHabs). WAKE UP HAMMIES! *SMACKS*


Grrrreg said...

Poor ZombieHammies... I think a good bagskate and some yelling also helps recovering from this.

Shan said...

You have to make a WAKE UP HAMMIES sign.

Eternal Pessimist said...

Poor ZombieHammies indeed! If they don't wake up, I'll be forced to take a "WAKE UP HAMMIES" sign with me on Sunday :D

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