Leasfail reaches new levels of hilarity

So this interview with Filatov went up on Puck Daddy. I wouldn't be mentioning it at all if it wasn't for the really bizarre and hilarious bit at the end.

He's talking about some pre-draft interviews he did with various NHL clubs.

What question surprised you the most?

"I had interviews with many NHL clubs. But I was surprised when I came into Toronto's office. Their general manager was sitting there. I thought that some regular questions [would be asked]. But he tossed a candy on the table and said ‘If you take it you will be a millionaire, the best hockey player in the world, would win five Stanley Cups and two Olympics. But when you're 30 you will most likely have an accident. If you don't take it, you will live until you're 100, but would be an average player.'"

And what did you do?

"I took the candy..."

And went to that Phoenix interview from this odd one in Toronto?

"I liked Gretzky's questions better."

Uhh seriously? What is this? The Matrix? Hahahahahaha.............

Oh and the Flyers just fired Bub (John Stevens). Oops. And I was SO looking forward to beating the Flyers next week with him  behind the bench. Damnit. What? There's some serious hard feelings from the 08 playoffs....

The Society of Habs Fans Who Feel Bad for Vesa

The first and last time I will post a picture of Vesa

It's the job of every Habs fan to hate the Leafs. I learned to hate the Leafs before I even knew anything about the Habs from a parent who hardly watched hockey growing up. It's just in our blood as Habs fans to despise everything blue and white. As part of that hate, it's our job to laugh hysterically every time the Leafs lose and point out that "truculent" doesn't mean "head the puck into your own net".

However, there are times when even Habs fans must admit that a situation is just that sad that it deserves some sympathy (or at least empathy. Or something). The situation I'm talking about of course, is that of Vesa Toskala. For a long time now, we Habs fans have been able to take particular delight in the fact that Vesa is the king of the Failtenders (heck, I think Vesa spawned the term to begin with). Leafs fail is a beautiful thing to see and Vesa has been personally responsible for a lot of it.

But a strange thing happened between the Leafs losing 7-2 and 4-1 to the Rags and Avs respectively. Habs fans across the blogosphere displayed a certain... sympathy for Vesa. How this happened is cause for much speculation. Maybe it's because Habs fans feel bad dissing a team that is doing pitifully when their own team doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. Or maybe it's because it's just too sad to put the blame of 42 years of epic fail on one poor little Finnish goalie (although apparently it's okay to put 16 years of fail on a poor little Canadian goalie *coughs*). I mean, he wasn't even born when the Leafs starting failing for crying out loud. And he definitely was NOT in nets when Komisarek headed the puck into the back of the net for the Avs. Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is that there plenty of Habs fans who feel bad for him.

That's where this society comes in. We are The Society for Habs Fans Who Feel Bad for Vesa. Basically we just hang around expressing our sympathy at the plight of the poor Finnish goalie.

Disclaimer: We do not have sympathy for the Leafs as an organization. We do not feel bad for or empathize with Brian Burke, Ron Wilson and everyone else who wears that horrendous logo on their jersey (for the most part anyway). We reserve the right to change our minds about Vesa should he suddenly turn into the next greatest goalie. We also reserve the right to bash Vesa should he be in nets for any game versus the Habs. We do not endorse Vesa's man-purse. It scares the crap out of EP.

Let the cuts begin! + bed time story. Kinda.

....because seriously, the Hammies need a team to send to Scotland, yes?! They have nobody to take with them right now. And how exactly do you beat the baby Leafs when you have no team in which to beat them? Exactly. YOU NEED A TEAM TO WIN. And you need those epically awesome Hammies to do it. Okay? Okay.

Now that we'ce settled that one......... Might I ask the lovely people of Montreal to PLEASE CALM DOWN. C'mon, it's a PRESEASON game. A game in which the Habs still haven't put their full roster on the ice. A game in which the announcers and Sens fans would LOVE to have count but won't count.

And do NOT tell me that the Booins beat us 8-0 in the preason and then decimated us in the regular season. Just don't say that. Yes, you Booins fans lurking around here. I MEAN YOU.

ANYWAY!

The few things that were downright ugly and I don't want to see being carried into the regular season are:

• odd man rushes. Seen enough of those last year. Didn't like them.
• Special teams fail. Seen enough of that last year too. Fix it.
• idiotic penalties. Who do you think you are? The Flyers?! Stop it.
• O'Byrne fighting. Don't do it. Please.
• I had no cider.

What I did like (and yes, there was stuff to like so stuff it and continue reading):

• Patches destroying Kovy. Patches has been smashing up his own potential teammates for the last two weeks. It was awesome that he finally got to smash up the opposition. And hey, Kovy is one of THEM now, so he's fair game.
• Johannson... Johansson... Johan... whatever. You know who I mean.
• um yeah... there might've been something else but I can't really think of it

And now.... Before I leave you all so you may go and do something more productive. Here is a bedtime story. Seriously. A certain sleepy Bruins fan demanded a story. So I obliged. Kinda.

***** BED TIME STORY ******

There once was a kid called Briere. He was a midget who thought he was so awesome. Not that midgets aren't awesome. I'm short. And awesome. Kinda. Maybe. Whatever. Moving on. One day he somehow found his way onto a team called the Flyers. We're not sure HOW he got on the team. Only that he did. He used his teammates as body guards when they were off the rink. ANYWAY. The only thing you need to know about the Flyers it that they're orange. And have a weird symbol on their shirts. ANYWAY. One day Briere the Midget decided that he wanted to take on the Evil Leafs of Toronto. It was a stupid idea because the Leafs had magically turned into goons over the summer. Kinda like how people turn into wolves at full moon, you know? But being the new dictator of the Flyers that he was, he 1) had no idea what he was talking about and 2) still abused his rights as supreme dictator of the Flyers anyway and made them all go on this little expedition.

When the Flyers arrived to face the Evil Leafs, they appeared to be well prepared. They fought long and hard with the Leafs. Throwing punches every which way. Seriously. In the midst of battle when all seemed lost, Briere the Midget found an open space (well, when you're that short, there's a lot of space) and grabbing the magic black disk of doom he threw it into the net behind The King of the Failtenders. At that moment it looked like the Flyers would have the victory. They looked unbeatable. The Leafs looked positively dejected. Ready to give up.

It was at this moment - right when Briere the Midget and his troops thought they had the victory - that their dear leader did something horrendously stupid. He tripped up one of the Leafs top generals. Of course it was a complete accident because the Leaf didn't see Briere running around his feet, but fall he did. And as he fell, he landed right on top of Briere the Midget. Squashing him to death.

It didn't take the troops on both sides long to realize that the Flyers leader was dead. And suddenly the Leafs found new energy. They attacked the suddenly disoriented Flyers. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! The Flyers fell one by one until only Boucher the Floppy Goalie was left. He didn't last long either. As Khadri came running towards him, he ran away, back to Flyers country to tell of what happened. And that was the end of the Flyers.

Now every town herald in the wicked land of Toronto will be proclaiming their victory and thinking they now have a shot at winning the much revered Stanley Cup. The Holy Grail of Hockey. The Shiny. With this victory over the Flyers, it would now only be a matter of time before the Shiny returned to Leafsland....

In their flipping dreams, maybe.

But yeah.

Whatever.

Leafs stink.

The lesson learned here is that if you're a Briere, don't get stepped on at the most inconvient time. Seriously.

The End.

***

In other news:

• Leafs beat the Flyers. Bet you didn't guess that one.
• BingySens beat the Wilksiewhatsits Pens.
• Caps beat the Hawks in OT. Missed it all.
• Juniors got beat up by the Huskies and their awful goal horn. Guh. Stop putting jet lagged goalies in nets. Jeez. And someone teach the guys on Team990 how to say Berube's name.

I am going to puke...

The title says it all I'm afraid.....

Thanks to the H Does NOT Stand for Habs for the pic.

I believe this drawing I did a few months back is suddenly very relavent:

Ah revenge is so sweet....

Especially when it's against those Leafnuts. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Flyers, I have to thank you so much for bashing those Leafs around last night because for a lot of it they weren't even putting up a fight for a lot of the night. Gerberfood was well, Habbies food out there. SIX GOALS for the Habs to the Leafs 1 1/2 (more on that later). HAH! EAT THAT YOU LEAFS!

The goals and almost goals:

• Kovy had such a pretty goal as he went up and over Gerberfood's shoulder on the PP
• Gui had a goal was nice even if I missed it because I was reading something else... Oops =p
  
• Habs tried to play baseball at one point to get the puck out of their own zone at one point.
  
• Gui outskated Schenn who proved that he can't walk on water yet, and got a penalty shot for his trouble. I mean... no offense to Gui or anything, but umm, how does he manage to outskate both Toronto defense people when they're all standing there together? It wasn't like he got a headstart or anything......Fine so it's Toronto but what happened to Schenn???
  
• Gerberfood stopped him on that penalty shot but we didn't mind too much.
  
• Mainly because Tanguay would be credited with a goal a few minutes later. I think it went off a Leafnut though. But it doesn't matter. Habs goal made Wilson angry.
  
• Pleky then did some stuff that looked like goalie interference and Gerber took it personally and while he was crabbing to the refs, Higgy scored. Eh. Well, lesson learned is don't whine to the refs. Someone will always score on you while you're whining
  
• Jaro had some beautiful saves to keep the Leafies down.
  
• Leafs did get a yucky goal when it was already 4-0. Got tipped in by some dude
• Didn't matter because Lapierre got a PP goal pretty soon after
  
• Gorges - yes, I said GORGES SCORED! - had another goal in which the Habs didn't lose the game. So his curse thing is over! YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
  
• Leafnuts got a goal when Habs were on PP near the end of the game and Tanguay tripped and whoever got the goal put it past Halak. Uhuh. That was stupid.
  But the whole thing was moot anyway because the Habs won and the Leafs lost.

The epic fails

• Two guys tried to fight Laraque at once. Laraque did fight back and Stewie literally jumped in to help. I say the Leafs lost that fight. If only because it was so damn cheap to begin with.
• Ron Wilson didn't totally blow it so I was sort of sad by that. He looked almost resigned. I didn't want resigned. I wanted mad! YOU FAIL WILSON! FAIL! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL!
  
• Did Wilson really want to win so he could ruin our season? If so... EPIC FAIL OF EPIC PROPORTIONS! FAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!
  
• The Leafs. For being the Leafs.
  
• Gerber. Because he's Gerber.
• Grabs because he's still in one piece
  

We're worried about....

• I'm hoping Schneider is okay after he was rammed into the boards. Why can't they ever injure Breezer?
• Markov. See below.
  

The stats said...

• The Leafs outshot the Habs 36 to 29. Oh really? Better for Jaro's stats I suppose =)
  
• Habs PP was 3 for 8 while the Leafnuts were 0 for 7
  
• Leafs had 24 penalty minutes and one shorthanded goal compared to the Habs 14 minutes of penalties, 3 PP goals and 3 even strength goals
• Grabs took most of those penalties. He got 2 for tripping at one point and 2 for slashing, 2 for roughing, 2 for boarding and 10 for misconduct. Bet he did it on purpose to save himself from the Habs
  
• The Leafs have let in 14 goals in two nights and scored 7
  
• The Habs have scored 11 goals in the last three nights and let in 3

Things I wanted and liked:

• I wanted Sergei to play and beat up Grabs but it didn't happen... Next year Sergei!
  
• The crowd was definitely pro-Habs. So nice to see Habs fans in Leafsnation. It was like "GO HABS!" and then "go leafs?" in the background.
  
• Whoever said Kovy shouldn't or couldn't play on the same line as Koivu is wroooooooong. Kovy has done SO much better now that he has good people to play with. Ditto for Koivu. And I guess Tanguay too but he's been gone for a while so he doesn't really count in this. THEY WERE GOOD AGAIN. ME LIKES!

Tonight in Grabs bashing....

• Is it possible to hate that little twerp anymore than before? Well, I do. He nearly injured Markov seriously and got beaten up for his hit (which wasn't all that dirty but still....). He better bring some protection next year because I swear if I see him I'll whack him with a plastic spork.
• He is SO getting his own voodoo doll. I was going to Toskala but someone beat me to it.
  
• The guys seemed to like to hit him quite a bit tonight. I do believe even Laraque hit him *gasp* but the code, Georges! The code!!!!! Oh hell with the damn code. HIT GRABS!
  

In Conclusion:

• This win makes us 3-3 with the Leafs and yet I can't remember the third game. Was there ever a third game against the Leafs in which they won? I only remember two. Whatever. The stupid thing is only one of those wins has been at home. Both teams got one embarrassing win at home and two embarrassing wins on the road. Hmm...
  
• LEAFS SUCK

Ahem.... and in other very important news:

Bulldogs report:

• They Hammies won their second of back-to-back games versus the Grand Rapids somethings. I didn't hear it for obvious reasons (I was busy when the game started and missed the rest because my Habbies were playing). But they won 4-2 with Cedric Desjardins in nets for them. The previous godawful Hammies PP actually worked twice and they even ended up with a shorthanded goal as well from Ryan Russell. Whoopieeee!
  

And the enemy watch:

• Bruins blanked the Rangers to take the East. Bruins win was sad but Rangers loss was great news for the Habs. Avery is a huge idiot. If he tries to hit one of MY goalies on Tuesday I want permission to sick Pleky on him. Yes, Pleky. Don't you remember what he did to... I think it was over-happy-Prospal in Tampa Bay? The dude goes near Pricey and then BOOM the next thing we know, Pleky's got him on the ice and is hitting his head.
  
• Devils knocked off the Sabres. Again, a Devils win was sad but a Sabres loss was music to my ears. Guess the Sabres don't want to be in the playoffs either.
  
• Flyers lost in shootouts to the Stinky Sens. I believe Itty Bitty Danny got the only goal in the shootouts for the Flyers after ten minutes of reviewing the goal. Part of the time was spent trying to determine which little blob was Danny and which blob was the puck. Niitymakii was SO angry when he lost in the shootout. He was smashing stuff. I love watching Flyers goalies get angry. It's very therapeutic.
  
• Eric Staal's team downed baby brother Jordan's team in OT. Really, Cam Ward MUST BE STOPPED. But it was nice to see the Pens lose too.
  
• Isles are ruining their chances of the Tavares Sweepstakes by winning against perpetual loser Tampa Bay. C'mon, you losers! Start losing! It's for your own good!

Juniors deathwatch:

• The Juniors blew a 3-1 lead and lost in OT to the Drummondville somethings...They will now come back here and pray to the hockey gods that the crowd makes Drummondville lose.
  

And in international hockey news

• Canada's women's team smashed China 13-1 and outshot them 74 to 4. Hmm.... Remind me how that 1 little goal went in.......?????? They take on the considerbly better Sweden next.
  

What's that sound?!

That sound you hear this morning, people, is the sound of the Ottawa Senators as they make their plans for the golf courses. Yes, people, their billion years of straight playoff appearances is OVER. OVER! They will be joined of course, by the Leafs, but that wasn't a surprise to most people (although apparently Brian Burke is all ticked off that they didn't make the playoffs. You'd think that he expected them to be Stanley Cup winners this season or something the way he was going on about not making the playoffs).

Well, that makes things pretty for me. I can take heart in that no matter what happens to my Habs (and if things go the way they did last night then we should be okay), the stinky Sens will not be in the playoffs to gloat at us.

However, they can make themselves useful in a few ways. 1) they will be playing Buffalo and a nice big fat win over the Sabres would be nice. C'mon! You've got years of hate between you two 2) they'll be playing Philly and a win there could be nice but isn't really expected or required 3) they will finish off with a game against the Leafs and a nice LOSS would be good to keep the Leafs out of the bottom and therefore out of a really good draft pick spot. 4) they can LOSE to us!

Either way, I dont' care about them anymore as long as they lose to us, because they won't be making the playoffs!

Ah, my day just got a lot nicer.