Dictionary of EPisms

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

In the likely event that you haven't got a clue who half the people I'm talking about are...... Here's a list of who's who in EP's world. Because some of you asked nicely....You can download a PDF version here. It comes with (bad quality) pictures too *g*


Avery'd - Coined by someone at Habs Inside/Out. Getting Avery'd means you get hit upside the head accidentally-on-purpose. This term came about when Avery hit Marshmallow upside the head during a commercial break. Example: Jaro was Avery'd by his own teammate at the World Championships.

A2 - Alexander Semin = the other Alex = Alex 2 = A2

The Anointed One - Sidney Crosby. Meant in complete sarcasm. See "Puff-head", "Mr. Puffle/Puffy", "Puffy No Beard".


Baby Habs – Normally people use the term "Baby (insert NHL team here)" to refer to a team's AHL team. In EP's world, Baby Habs are Habs prospects who aren't in the AHL. So all the ones in the CHL or in the NCAA are all baby Habs. See "Hammies".

BennyPoo – Benoit Pouliot. He was initially called "Poo" but then when he started doing something good (ie score goals and actually hit people) then I had no choice but to change his name to something a little better.


Captain Peachy - Jonathan Toews. See "Peachhawks" and "Peach Fuzz".

Cheese - Adam Burish because EP once saw a ridiculous picture of him holding a huge block of cheese.

Chicoutimi Cucumbers – The Chicoutimi Sagueneens. No idea where the Cucumber thing came from.

CFD (Chubby French Dude) - Jo-Wilfried Tsonga. Because he's chubby. And looks like the adorable groundhogs that inhabit my garden.

Chubby Marty - Martin Brodeur. I think the name explains it all?

Crabby Khabby - Nikolai Khabibulin of the Peachhawks. Spawned by Sarah_Connors

Crysob - Sidney Crosby. Rearrange the letters of Crosby's last name and you get "Crysob" which is of course "cry" and "sob" stuffed together. See "Puffy", "The Anointed One"


Delpo - Juan Martin Del Potro

Dino(saur) - 
David Steckel because his name reminds EP of the names from the Land Before Time movies.... Yes, EP used to watch those movies as a kid....

....the Anaheim Ducks? We don't know why EP always writes Ducks in capital letters...We believe she's emphasizing just how lame their name is.


- Malkin. Sarah_Connors said that someone asked her if Malkin was animal, vegetable or mineral. She said Mineral. I said he looked like the eggplant in my fridge. We're pretty sure that Mr. Puffy can pronounce "Eggplant". And besides, "Eggplant" is closer to "Evgeni" than "Geno" is...


Failtender - 
Basically any goalie who fails in a sad fashion. See "King of the Failtenders".

Flandersdude - 
Derek Wills, play-by-play guy for the Hammies. He is called Flandersdude because his voice is reminiscent of Ned Flanders of the Simpsons. He's also the most amazing play-by-play guy ever. Seriously.

Flyguys - 
The Flyers (courtesy of FlyersRule).

Floppy Flambé-
 Marc-AndrĂ© Fleury. Fleury turned into Flurry which turned into Flurfy which turned into Flandre which turned into Flambe. Thus is he Flambe now. Floppy was added when we decided that he flopped around a lot when he was in nets. See "Maffy".

French Marshmallow - 
Guillaume Latendresse. Guillaume = Guimauve = Marshmallow. But I already have a Marshmallow (Tim Thomas) so he's the "French Marshmallow".


Gerber'd - 
After Martin Gerber, being Gerbered is basically when the goalie messes up on an obvious play. Note: a team gets Gerber'd. The goalie doing the Gerber-ing is a failtender. Exmaple: the Leafs were Gerber'd. See "Turco'd", "failtender".

Gluu(uuuuuu) - Mike Glumac. A Hammie.

"Going Torts" -
 The hockey version of "going postal". This term was coined after John Tortorella went insane and waterbottled a spectator at the Verizon Center. See "waterbottling".

Goose The Puppy – Jonas Gustavsson. First.. to explain the last bit. Gustavsson has been called "The Monster". I have no idea why. I think he's the least scary goalie out there aside from Vesa. Hence, I decided to call him "The Puppy". THEN I heard a CBC guy call him "Goose-stuff-son". So now he's Goose The Puppy. Yup.

Gomer - Scott Gomez.

GusGus – Jonas Gustavsson of the Leafs. See "Goosestuffson the Puppy".


Habbies - 
The Habs. However, EP will NOT tolerate anybody other than a Habs fan or a people friendly to the team calling the Habs the "Habbies". So if you're one of those TSN guys who don't care about the Habs, you can NOT call the Habs the "Habbies".

Habsland - 
Generally speaking this is Montreal. But Habsland also has outposts in just about every major hockey city in North America. We also have some outposts in Europe. Where there is a Habs fan there is Habsland.

Halak Attack 
- Halak's goaltending often induces Halak Attacks.

Hammies - 
the Hamilton Bulldogs (the Canadiens AHL farm team). They are called the Hammies because EP didnt like calling them the 'Dogs. Besides, it rhymes with "Habbies". Kinda.


Itty Bitty (Dany) -
Daniel Briere. We're fairly certain that Briere is taller than EP, but EP isn't a hockey player so she delights in poking fun at one of the most disliked players in Habsland.


Jojo –
Mikhael Johansson of the Hammies. His teammates named him that actually and I think it's great :D

Jumbo Joe - Joe Thornton


Ketchup - Sergei Shirokov. A CBC announcer once said "he's shaped kinda like a Heinz ketchup bottle". No idea what he was referring to really, but yeah... There we go.

King of the Failtenders - Vesa Toskala

Kovalove - 
That nice warm fuzzy feeling you get when Kovy does something you love. Like score a drop dead amazing goal that just put the Habs up. Note: obviously now that Kovalev is a Senator, this term is not in use anymore. Please see "vomitgoal".


Loochness Monster - 
Milan Lucic.


Maf and/or Maffy- 
Marc-Andre Fleury = Maf. See "Floppy Flambe"

-Tim Thomas. Because he is the same dimension as a marshmallow.

Metro – Glen Metropolit. See "Munchkin".

Misshy – Jason Missiaen. A baby Hab who plays for the Peterborough Petes

Moosies - 
Manitoba Moose. AHL affiliate of the Canucks. 

Mooski - 
Rimouski Oceanic. Rimouski proved too difficult to type during the Memorial Cup in 2009.

Munchkin – Courtesy of Cathie (Cathie_AK27 on Twitter). Munckin is Metropolit.


Ovie-cool - Something that is amazingly cool

Ovie-goal - a goal scored by Ovie. To truly count as an Ovie-goal though, Ovie has to do something pretty neat to get it. Simply tipping the puck in doesn't really count.


Patches - Courtesy of Number31, Patches is Max Pacioretty

Peachbrook - Brent Seabrook of the Peachhawks.

Peach-game - something to do with Peach Fuzz. Used mainly in the sentence "Peach Fuzz will raise his peach-game". Don't ask.

Peach-goal - A Peach Fuzz goal. Or any other Peachhawk goal. But mainly a Peach Fuzz goal.

Peach Fuzz- generally speaking this is Patrick Kane because he has a "peach fuzz" playoff beard.

Peachhawks- the entire Chicago Blackhawks team. Because most of them are under 25. See "Peach Fuzz", "Captain Peachy"

Mr. Perky - Robert Lang because EP insists that he's a perky person.

Pie - Nicklas Backstrom. He has a cutie-pie face but writing "cutie-pie" took too long so it got shortened to "Pie".

Pigeon - Jaroslav Spacek. Because.... the Sabres have this stuffed pigeon that they give out to the player who the team deems to have had the biggest impact on a given night. Best player at the end of the year gets to take home the pigeon. Not making this up.

The Priceberg - Another Number31ism that EP loves. EP usually refers to Carey Price as the "Priceberg" when he's on top of his game and makes huge saves.

"Popping a Puffy" - Despite the violent sounding implications, we imagine this scenario as the Looch delivering a particularly hard hit on Puffy. Oh wait.... that would be rather violent....

Puffles - the Pittsburgh Penguins. The name Puffle came about when EP saw their third blue jerseys and thought that the colour looked "Puffy Blue". Puffy somehow got turned into Puffles. So now they're the Puffles.

Puff-head - Sidney Crosby. See "The Anointed One", "Puffles".

Mr. Puffle/Puffy - Sidney Crosby

Puffy No Beard - Sidney Crosby. See "Wannabeard".


The Schmo Clan – This encompasses all the Schmoos. Schmo, Schmou and Schmooey. All are courtesy of Cathie (Cathie_AK27 on Twitter).

Schmo – Corey Clouston, headcoach of the Sens

Schmoou – Peter Deboer, headcoach of the Panthers

Schmooey – Dan Byslma, headcoach of the Puffles

Shorty Marty - Martin St. Louis. Again, we're fairly certain that St. Louis is taller than EP when he's on skates, but EP has never seen anybody shorter in the NHL before.

Skinny Vinny - Vincent Lecavalier because it goes nicely with Shorty Marty =p

Simmy the Twitching Goalie- Semyon Varlamov because "Varly" sounds icky and he seems to twtich a lot when he plays. He's "Simmy" because he used to be called "Simeon" in the media.

Squishy - Cammalleri. Because Cammalleri sounds like calmari. Calamari is either an octopus or a squid and because I can never remember which, I call them "one of those squishy beasties". Hence, Cammalleri is Squishy.

Squeaky Marty - Martin Biron because... well, have you ever heard him talk before? Exactly. He's squeaky.

StaalClone1,2,3 - the Staal bros because they all look the same.

StaalCloneJr- Jared Staal. The youngest StaalClone.

Stewie - Gregory Stewart of the Hammies.

Stickbug - Clay Buchholz of the Soxies. Because he looks kind of like a bug and he's about as skinny as a stickbug.


Teddy - Cedric Desjardins. Dont' ask me where this one came from. The Hammies came up with it. 

TMF - The Mighty Fed = Roger Federer. Obviously.

Turco'd - If a goalie comes out of his net too far and can't get back in time before the puck goes into the net. Named for Marty Turco who seems to like to come out of the net way more than is neccesary. Example: The Pens were Turco'd (when Maffy left the net). See "Geber'd".

Turnip - 
Pavel Datsyuk because he has a turnip-like head =)

Turtle-Pleky - 
Tomas Plekanec because of those turtle-neck shirts he wears.


The Vampire - 
Kristopher Letang because his name looks like it came out of Twilight

Vomitgoal -
 a goal scored by someone you really don't like. Courtesy of Number31 . Example: Milan Lucic just got a vomitgoal against Cam Ward tonight....


Wannabeard - 
Those lame attempts at a playoff beard. See "Puffy No Beard".

Waterbottling - 
A term that was coined after Rangers coach John Tortorella had a hissy fit and threw a water bottle into the stands in game 5 of the Rangers/Capitals series. You waterbottle (ie throw a waterbottle at) someone when you're really ticked off at them. Example: I wanted to waterbottle Puffy after he whined about Ovie scoring.

Whalercanes - 
Spawned by Sarah_Connors , this is pretty self evident if you know that the Hartford Whalers moved to Raleigh North Carolina and became the Carolina Hurricanes. Whalers + Hurricanes = Whalercanes.