One write-up to rule them all

I've come to the conclusion that I keep saying the same things over and over and over again about each and every Habs game that has been played thus far. I'm running out of patience and creativity for my write-ups. So instead I'll just write one generic write-up which you can all just consult after each game.

(insert lame title that usually involves "*yawns*" or "meh" here)

Meh.

• Habs get outshot and outhit by the opposition. 
• I fear for Patches' career. I really do. He should be in the AHL. 
• And Pricey/Jaro stands on his head again....... 
• ...and again.....
• oh and again....... 
• and one more time.... 
• Oops. Couldn't stop that one. Mainly because he was being obstructed by his own defenseman! It's okay. The Habs still have 55 minutes to tie the game up. 
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 
• Goalie goes back to standing on his head.... 
• ...and again.... 
• oh and again....... 
• and more one time.... 
• How is it that the most average goalies in the NHL look brilliant when they play the Habs/ how come the good goalies super human against the Habs?
• Have I ever said how much I hate Gomer's contract?
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 
• Oh my god. We actually got a PP! YAY! Now go score! 
• Yeah! Tied game! Now let's get some freaking momentum going!
• ....not for the OTHER team..... 
• the goalie goes back to standing on his head... .
• ...and again... .
• oh and again.... 
• and one more time...
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 

Now if they play a good team then this will happen:

• Hey looky, we're stuck in our own end
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 
• and the goalie goes back to standing on his head..... 
• and again.....
• and.... oh damn that went in. Where was the defense? 
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 
• Oooof another one..... 
• Do get a PP? No? Damn. 
• Man, I feel so bad for the goalie..... 
• Ooooooof. Okay, this game sucks now. 
• Gizmo will now tell the media that the Habs played a great game but were outworked in some key moments (this is despite the fact that the score sheet will say that the Habs were ousthot 50-10, out hit 23-2, spent twice the amount of time on the PK than on the PP and looked to be half dead for most of the game)

And if they play a crappy team:

• We have the lead! YAY! 
• ...and we're sitting on it... for like.... 40 mins........?
• And there goes Pigeon/Hammer/Gorges/Gomer/Poo/anyone else to the box.... PK time! 
• And the goalie stands on his head......... 
• and again..... 
• and again..... 
• oh and again...... 
• Maybe the Habs need some caffeine?
• two mins left! Can we hold on for the win?!
• Nope. Tied game. Whoopy. 
• OT time. I love giving out loser points to loser teams. My team is SO generous. 
• Oh looky. Someone scored. Game over. Thank you. 
• Gizmo will now tell the media what a great job they did and how hard they competed (this is despite the fact that the score sheet will say that the Habs were ousthot 50-10, out hit 23-2, spent twice the amount of time on the PK than on the PP and looked to be half dead for most of the game)