Well... not quite. But being April 12th, it's my official hockey birthday today so I figured instead of whining about our Canadiens/Boston matchup in reverse, I'd do something else... namely, prove just how ignorant I was last year about hockey.
EP Last Year (I really did say these things, if in a slightly different way)
- Hmm... so we're supposed to be how good?
- First in the conference. Gotcha. Whoo! What's a conference?
- Okay... so remind me just how bad Boston is supposed to be?
- Why does Boston look awful?
- Who's that guy?
- Kovawhat?
- Ko-va-lev? My tongue doesn't move in such a way that could pronounce that.
- Back to the game. How much longer?
- Whoa wait... there's how many minutes in a period?
- 20? Gotcha.
- Who's that? No. THAT one. The guy that just disappeared off the screen. There. THAT one. No.. THAT ONE!
- Andrei....who?
- Say that again. Kostitsyn? What the heck kind of name is that?
- Okay. Wait. There's two of them? Who's who?
- Where's Koivu?
- Of course I know who Koivu is darnit! He's that Finnish guy who had had cancer. Wait. He was Finnish and not Swedish, right? But which one is he?!
- I don't see a number 11. Actually, I can't follow this game at all. Too fast.
- My head hurts... Game is going way too fast....
- Who's the goalies again?
- Carey Price and who? Tim Thomas. Tim Thomas? There's something very odd about having a first name for a last name..... Okay..... Did you just say Carey Price? Who calls their kid Carey? Poor guy....
- Why is the play stopping?
- Icing...? What the heck is that?
- That's a stupid rule.
- What happened? What happened?!!! Oh we get a power play! What's that? Uhuh...Whatever, not listening. Bring on the game!
- NOOOOOO BRUINS SCORE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- What do you mean there's a lot of time left to win the game?! There's like... 20 minutes left!
- What do you mean it only takes a few seconds to score? Whatever. *mopes*
- Whaaaaaaah... time ran out! Time ran out! Now what?
- Over time? What is that and how do you win it?
- Sudden death?! These rules suck!
- OOOH! GOAL! I think? Yes? I dunno. They're celebrating. Must be a goal. YAY! WE WIN! Whooo!
- Are they singing in there.... wherever there is? The Bell thingy?
- Flyers suck *nods* Why? Because I said so! And Biron is driving me nuts. DIE FLYERS!
- Oh Penguins! Are they any good?
- Crosby who? Never heard of him.
- What do you mean he's like the savior of the league? Who the hell came up with that one?
- I like the other guy better... No. The Russian guy. Malkin. Yeah.
- And Fleury. Because he's bucket loads better than Biron *nods*
- DIE FLYERS!
- So we're supposed to be how goood?
- Yeah, right. No way we're ending up first in the conference this time
- Remind me again, how bad Boston is supposed to be? Right. So why the heck are they are so damn good now?!
- You know, Boston's jerseys look terrible, right.....? Especially in that horrendous third jersey....
- Who is that guy? Yes that guy skating around like he's bored out of his mind! Turn around damnit so I can see your number!
- Kovalev! KNEW IT! I mean....I like him and all but man... WAKE UP KOVY! C'mooon! Does Bob need to have another talk with you?
- You know we're saying Kovalev's name wrong.... One day I'll show you the video.. .It's like how everyone blows up Ovechkin's name....
- Back to the game. How much longer?
- Still a whole 20 minutes?!!!
- Where Andrei Kostitsyn?!
- You said it wrong. Kah-tsee-tsin. Yes, I'm pretty sure it's right. He's from Belarus. Yes, I said Belarus. Not Russia.
- Where's little brother Sergei gone now?
- No... Andrei is number 46. Sergei is 74. Yes, Sergei is younger. What do you mean you can't tel them apart? EASY!
- Koivu? Koivu....? Hello? Where are you?
- People need to give the poor guy some credit. No more ragging on him for his lack of French skills. He does so much for this team...
- *sighs* Yes, he's Finnish. He'd be called Mats Sundin or Daniel Alfredsson if he was Swedish..... Koivu=Finnish. Sundin=Swedish. Alfredsson=twerp.
- I don't see him skating around though. He looks invisible tonight.....
- My head hurts... this game is boring me to tears....*snores*
- Skate faster you twerps! FASTER! PICK IT UP!
- Who's in nets?
- Price. Good choice. But seriously, who calls their kid Carey? Poor guy. And Tim Thomas. Boo, you know Thomas only looks good because of his team, right?
- HEY! THAT WAS SO ICING, YOU IDIOTIC REFS! GORGES TOUCHED THE DAMN PUCK! Gah....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Powerplay time! Good! Wow... that PP sucked....
- $%&*(*&%$#@@#$ *^%$#@!@#$^ Bruins score............ Damn the Bruins.... #$%^&*((*&^%$#$%^&*......................................
- Stop whining. There's plenty of time left on the clock. Try a whole period.
- OT here we come!
- I still don't like this rule too much.... but it's hockey darnit....
- OH GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! WE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH!
- OLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! OLAY OLAY OLAY!
- Flyers su.... Today Flyers are good. Why? Because I said so. And Biron is driving me nuts. He likes to pretend he's a sieve. It's his favorite pasttime.
- Ugh Penguins...
- *sticks Crosby the voodoo doll with pins*
- Savior of the league. Pfft. Who the hell came up with that one? Oh right. Gary Bettman.
- I like the other guy better. No the Russian guy. Ovechkin. Yeah. Sorry Malkin.
- And Fleury. Still like Fleury. And he's still better than Biron.
- That being said....GO FLYERS!
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3 comments:
I love this!
Going from "Who's that? No. THAT one. The guy that just disappeared off the screen. There. THAT one. No.. THAT ONE!" to "You said it wrong. Kah-tsee-tsin. Yes, I'm pretty sure it's right. He's from Belarus. Yes, I said Belarus. Not Russia." in one year is impressive.
Woo! It's easy to learn hockey in one year :D
=D Still not sure how I didn't know what icing was.... o.O
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