Halak is like, totally, such a jerk

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Halak is clearly a jerk.

How else could you describe a guy who so very clearly wants to skip out of town right now? His intentions were made clear after a report surfaced from the always accurate and unbiased source from ruefrontenac. com. The reports (from the site's resident Gainey lover, Betrand Raymond) say that Gainey is shopping Halak around to different teams.

Shopping Halak?! But why would Gainey do such a thing?

Like I said, Halak's intentions were made clear after he was mobbed by the media after practice today. In his interview - and no, the media didn't harass him until he finally gave them an answer. Why would they do such a thing? This is the Montreal media we're talking about, folks -  he said that that the matter was "between his agent and Gainey and that he didn't want to talk about it". By saying this he clearly stated that he wants to be traded right now or else he sneak out in the middle of the night and join another team. He's clearly saying "I'd rather retire than be a backup goalie for the rest of my life".

What a jerk.

When he says that he "wants to play more", he's so obviously being a total ingrate. What do you mean you don't like sitting on the bench for two weeks in a row? What the hell is your problem? Jeez. Get lost! Lots of goalies sit on the bench. You know what this reminds me of? Scott Clemmensen. He was a real jerk too. Clemmensen played in a grand total of 13 games one season and 6 the next when he was a Devil the first time around. He skipped town to go play with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He ended up playing 40 games with the Marlies. What kind of cruel person steals the starting job from a great goalie like Justin Pogge? Heartless, I tell you. But it gets worse. Clemmensen goes back to New Jersey where he injures Brodeur so he could take over his job. How cruel! Seriously, Halak is like, so taking after Clemmensen here.

What an epic jerk.

All this time when he's just gone about his job without complaining, he was secretly plotting against Price and the Canadiens! Now the truth comes out! How long before reports come out saying that he's been paying Gorges to injure Price? I'm betting it won't be all that long to be honest. Just you wait! I mean really, why else would Gorges appear to be trying to kill his own goalie game after game?

When you hear Halak say that he's a "team guy" and that the team "winning is more important than who's in nets" he's getting it all wrong in translation in his little brain. What he really means is that "I want to be number one or else I'll throw a hissy fit. I hate Carey Price and I think Keith Ballard should take him out next time we play the Panthers".

Wow. What. A. Jerk.

Obviously he has huge issues speaking English and doesn't know to form a negative sentence in the language because when he says that he "likes Montreal" he means that he hates it and that he thinks the fans are horrible and he wishes he was back in Slovakia. It's amazing how long sentences become when you fully translate them from semi-English into full English.

And to cap it all off? He's totally diminished his trade value by publicly demanding for a trade. We could have had Briere! Or Claude Giroux! Or we could have packaged him off with those godawful Kostitsyn brothers for VINNY. But nooooooo.... now that he's so obviously proven to be a cancer in the locker room by publicly demanding a trade, his trade value has gone down, down, down, to the point where Gainey might only get a second round pick for him. Oh the horror of it all.

What a selfish jerk.

So now that we know what a jerk he is, let's all write up loads of articles and blogposts about what a moron he is and how he totally deserves to be dumped. Because dear people, Halak is CLEARLY out to destroy Price, he hates our city and he clearly whines and complains too much. Let's sick him on another team. Let them deal with this total jerk. Because clearly, Halak does not deserve to be a Hab.

[and you're damn right this was full of sarcasm. Just putting that out there in case anyone thinks other wise]


Grrrreg said...

Wooooo finally someone got it right! Halak = selfish bastard.

Seriously though; Clemmensen is a jerk. He's really cocky and he blames his team when he sucks.

Eternal Pessimist said...

Well yeah....but I was trying to find a guy who played less games than Halak xP

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