EP's version of the Awards Thing

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yeah. I was going to waste time predicting who was going to win what... but that sounded boring and I dont like half the candidates anyway. So instead, I'm going to steal the NHL's awards and hand them out as I see fit. Oh and I may or may not have changed around what the awards are for. I mean really...someone has to do something about that Lady Byng trophy. I die laughing at it every time... Sorry.. Anyway...... On with the show!

Hart - The player who's most responsible for EP's madness this season
  • Ovie because those insane goals made EP go insane
  • Kovy because all the time he hit the flipping post made EP go insane
  • Puffy because he is talked about nonstop made EP go insane
After much debate, we chose Kovy. We think that EP wouldn't be half as insane if Kovy had actually put the puck into the back of the flipping net more often. We would like Gainey to resign Kovy so he can prove to EP that he can actually make the puck go into the back of the net.

Vezina - For the goalie that we wanted to hug the most for whatever reason *g*
  • The Priceberg
  • Jaro
  • Simmy
After hours and hours and hours of debating... we decided to pick Price. He's had a rough year and we've pretty much wanted to hug him all season long. Mini hugs for Jaro and Simmy though!

Toskala - For the goalies who we've deemed to have failed epically in some respect
  • Vesa Toskala for being a Leaf
  • Squeaky Marty for being Squeaky Marty
  • Cam Ward for that epic fail against the Puffles
So tough.... We really wanted to give all three of them it but as there can really be only one "winner", we decided that Toskala should get it. The thing is named after him after all.....

Norris - We're giving this out to the person who we deemed was significantly anti-Puffles this season.
  • Semin
  • Ovechkin
  • Looch (fine, so he hasn't proven himself to be totally anti-Puffles yet. But in our imagination, he is crushing Puffy into the boards)
We really, really, really wanted to pick Looch. But like we said, Looch hasn't actually smashed Puffy yet. This makes us very sad and we hope that the Loochness Monster gives Puffy a Looching next season so we can give him the Norris. So instead, we're giving it to Semin. Those comments at the beginning of the year were funny. And we honestly do think he has a point. So yay for you Semin!

Calder- For the player who's attempt at a playoff beard we liked the most
  • Puffy
  • Peach Fuzz
  • Captain Peachy
Well, as Puffy's wannabeard is just that pathetic, I'm disqualifying him. And Captain Peachy really only had those awful looking sideburn things. So Peach Fuzz wins. We like the fact that we can't actually see it very well on the TV. We do hope this changes when he can actually grow a beard but until then, we like what we see (or don't see).

Lady Byng - for the player who amused us the most for various reasons
  • Shorty Marty (for just skating around and amusing EP for no reason)
  • Squeaky Marty (for those epic fails)
  • Boring Marty (for those epic fails against the Whalercanes)
Shorty Marty! He was very amusing for most of the season. EP found it very entertaining to watch him skating around. It makes no sense, no, but neither does this whole trophy thing anyway.

Selke - for the player with the lamest attempt at a fight
  • Semin (vs StaalClone2)
  • Puffy (vs Brett Mclean)
  • Eggplant (vs Zetterburg)
This really wasn't much of a contest. Semin wins for that" bongo playing fight" against the StaalClone. Sorry to Eggplant who really did try to "fight" Zetterberg during the playoffs. It was a lame effort for sure, but not that lame. We think it would be a cool idea if Semin took on Eggplant next season.

Jack Adams - For the coach that annoyed us the most this year.
  • Cory Clouston
  • Ron Wilson
  • Dan Bylsma
It was tough enough just picking these three (okay maybe not) and we really had to debate long and hard about which coach we would ultimately choose. Ultimately, we went with Ron Wilson because he has annoyed us since day one of the the NHL season, while Clouston and Bylsma only tortured us throughout the latter half of the season.

Bill Somethingrather - for the team that got smashed up the most and is not getting a top draft pick for it.
  • Habs
  • Habs
  • Caps
HABS! Yes. We were smashed up probably more than most teams were and yet we STILL made the playoffs (unlike say, Dallas). We win! HAH!

Lester B. Pearson - For the player who had us screaming the most at their awesome goals
  • Ovie
  • Ovie
  • Ovie
Hmm... Guess Ovie is winning it? *g*

Alex Ovechkin - While we wanted to swap places with this one and the Lester B. Pearson one, we decided to leave it as it. This is for the player who's name is apparently the most unpronounceable to the media.
  • "Oh-vech-kin"
  • "Buffsagwkjeagsdkjhf" (Byfuglien)
  • "Pleh-ka-nec"
We had a whole host of people we wanted to nominate for this one. Including every French Canadian named Martin. Simmy will proably make it on this list next year but he's getting pass this time because he wasn't around much during the regular season. We're going to go with Ovechkin because we're very tired of hearing "OH-vechkin scooooooooores". He's RUSSIAN. Not Irish.


Grrrreg said...

Ahaha, this is great!

I'm amazed you decided to hug Price over Halak. It was definitely not Jaro's year!

Eternal Pessimist said...

I know... I know.... It was such a hard choice though. I felt mentally maybe Price was the one who needed a hug more? Me hugging Jaro isn't going to help his head feel any better..... Jaro got a hug anyway! =(

The Puck Stops Here said...

Haha, this was entertaining.
I love your choices, and the re-defining of trophies.

Justin said...

The Ovechkin award should have gone to Varlamov or one of the KostSitsyns simply because the teams can't even be bothered to get their names right. :)

Or even Malkin. Everyone leaves the Y sound off the start of his first name.

Eternal Pessimist said...

Haley - I had too much fun doing this, I think =p

Justin - butbutbut nobody ever bothers even saying the Kostitsyn brothers' names to begin with and Varlamov wasn't around long enough..As for Malkin... leaving out the Y sound in front of his first name doesn't irk me as much as hearing OH-vechkin does. Although I bet if I actually heard people saying his first time more, I'd scream. As it is... It's gone to Ovie =p

Justin said...

I have to admit guilt on the OH-vechkin thing even though I know better. I actually bug myself, but I say it that way so as not to get odd looks from other people.

Much like I mispronounce the brothers K and M. Julien so that people don't make fun of me. :(

Eternal Pessimist said...

Tsk, tsk... You should be educating people! If they make fun of you, just poke them and ignore them. And if they STILL make fun of you, just be happy with the knowledge that YOU are right =)

And maybe I should've nominated Clod Joo-lee-ehn instead of Pleky....*shakes head*

Justin said...

Tomas Plekanec? Is it really that hard to make the "s" in Tomas an "sh" and the "c" in Plekanec a "ts"? Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever heard that pronounced correctly by anyone who isn't either Czech or Slovak.

I think my all-time favorite name mispronunciation peeve is Krzysztof Oliwa, both names. Is it not Cristoph Oly-wah. I understand that "kshishtof olivah" might be hard for us to say, but that doesn't mean it's okay to mangle it.

Eternal Pessimist said...

Pierre Houde (our main play by play dude on RDS) actually manages to get Pleky's name right, but he's the only one so everyone thinks he's wrong *g*

Haha, I actually guessed right on how to say Oliwa's name right. Hah. And you're right... just because it's hard to say a name, does't give you the right to butcher it without at least trying. I'm not saying I'm perfect at saying these names right, but I try =)

Justin said...

I do have to admit that it would be odd to hear a Polish name with a Quebecois accent, though. :p

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