The Wonderful World of Colin Campbell

Monday, April 27, 2009

It was late at night. The hockey games had all finished by this time. The people had all gone home and were now asleep or passed out somewhere. Even the fans had gone back home.

But not everyone was asleep. No, in the uppermost turret of Special Executive Suite No. 340 someone was still awake. Colin Campbell was hard at work. While the rest of the world got to sleep, the Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations was still awake. He had a tough decision to make. For you see, a few minor incidents had happened in the Stanley Cup playoff game between Washington and New York. He had received notice that Donald Brashear had taken out Blair Betts.

After looking at the video, Colin paced around for a few minutes before sitting down at a chair. He took out two omnious boxes and placed them on the table. Opening the first box carefully, he reached in and drew out a small slip of paper. As he unfolded it, the words "Pre-game incident" could be seen scrawled on it. Nodding slowly, Colin then reached into the second box and drew out another slip of paper. Upon unfolding it, the words "Automatic 10 game suspension" could be seen.

Colin frowned slightly. That was a little much... He reached back into the second box and pulled out another slip of paper. This time the words "1 game suspension" were scrawled on it. Ah much better.

Now. There was a little matter of the actual incident though....

The Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations reached into the first box and drew out a slip of paper. He sighed as he saw the words "tripping" on the paper. He had had a similar major issue not that long ago. When perpetual pest Sean Avery had gone spewing stuff about his ex-girlfriend, Colin had been left with quite the problem. You see, being a stupid idiot wasn't really a suspendable offense. But King Gary had insisted so much that he do something, that Colin had been forced to get a new piece of paper and write the words "dissing ex" and put the paper in the first box.

But back to the task at hand. What was he going to suspend this guy for? It clearly wasn't tripping. Colin reached back into the box. There had to be something that'd at least make some sense to someone.....

"Being Donald Brashear". Ah! That one made sense! Colin smiled and sighed with relief. Some days he job was so tough....

Now he just needed a decent amount of games to suspend the guy for and he was finished. Reaching into the second box, Colin pulled out a piece of paper that read "5 games for pretty much no reason". That made sense to him. So it must be right.

The Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations smiled and leaned back in his chair. Another night's tough work was done. Now it was time for nap....

4 comments:

Grrrreg said...

Well written!
6 games is an awful lot for this, BUT the hit was really late.

Eternal Pessimist said...

I believe he should have been suspended... but SIX games? That usually only happens when you diss your ex....Campbell is so inconsistent with suspensions that it's not even funny...

kyleroussel said...

Campbell has 2 books; 1 for stars and the amount of suspension time they serve (i.e. one or none unless you break a guy's neck) and the other book for goons. But the pages of that book are only filled with crosswords. He chooses the number of games by which page he's on. He thinks it's cute. He wishes he could high five someone for his cleverness...but nobody likes him. He cries. Not because nobody likes him. He can't finish his crosswords.

Back to Judge Judy reruns for Colin.

Eternal Pessimist said...

OHOHOHOH! BRILLIANT! *dies laughing* Poor Colin... It's got to be tough to be hated so much...

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