The Wonderful World of Colin Campbell Part 2

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Colin paced around his room. He was anxious. His phone was ringing off the hook. He dared not pick it up though. No. He was too tired to deal with the hordes of angry people who were calling him up wondering why he had decided not to suspend Ben Eager and Mike Brown.

Didn't these people get that he had already dished out his suspension for the week when he suspended Donald Brashear? Jeez, did these people really have no idea how hard it was suspend a guy? It wasn't easy reaching into those two boxes and coming up with appropriate pieces of paper.

Colin rubbed his head. He had such a headache right now.... He was about to go and lie down when his cell phone rang. Only two people had that number. His wife and the boss himself. Ignoring either was not an option. Sighing, Colin picked up the cell phone and flipped it open.


"Colin." It was King Gary. "What the heck is going on here? The phones have been ringing all day."

"Not really much I can do about that." Colin mumbled.

"Well, how about you start by explaining why you didn't suspend those two guys for those head shots? Give me something here, Colin. I have to tell the press something."


"Because as King of the NHL, it's my job to give press conferences." the king snapped. "Now give me something or else you're being demoted."

Colin wracked his brain. The pieces of paper weren't that specific. Think... think... he had to think of something. There was no way that he was going to be demoted over this. No way. "Well.... Rypien and Hudler didn't suffer any injuries, sir...and uh.... you know... if you don't suffer any injuries then there's no problem."

"But the press will say that they were still hit on the head."

"So? Lot's of people get hit on the head...."

"They'll argue that it's serious."

"But it's not. Hudler got back on the ice."

"They'll make some spiel about long term injuries." King Gary said. "Something about multiple hits to the head or something.. I dunno. People don't do this in basketball."

"It's not my problem what the media says!" Colin burst out. "They come out with such crap. Like the other day, they were actually suggesting that Ovechkin was better than the Anointed one. Can you believe that?! What crap.

Look. Hudler is a tiny guy anyway. He was asking to get run over. I have a perfect method for suspending people. It's tried and tested and it's been proven to be successful. I know what I'm doing here.

And short guys are just asking to get it anyway. I can't help it if someone's elbow is at the same height as his head. I mean look at Zdeno Chara... he's probably over twice the height of Hudler! He could practically step on him! Am I supposed to suspend him for that? That's being mean to tall people....right?"

There was silence on the other end.

"Your majesty?" Colin ventured after a few more seconds.

"What? Sorry. I was watching the Toronto Raptors. We should put another NHL team in Toronto...." King Gary said.

"Did you hear what I said before?"

"Yeah, yeah. If Chara's foot is larger than Hudler and he steps on Hudler than it's not a suspension...."

"That's not quite what I was saying though...

"Whatever. You're making me miss the game."

Before Colin could say anything else, King Gary hung up the phone. Colin shrugged. The King seemed to know what he was doing so that was all that mattered really... He sighed a sigh of relief and went off to go to sleep. It had been a hard day and he needed to catch some rest.

Meanwhile... the Aliens from Mars a la the Simpsons, could only stare at each other in confusion. This whole conversation that they had just witness made zero sense to them. Humans were so stupid sometimes....


Anonymous said...

I don't know that much about the stuff going on "inside NHL" and who is who exactly, but I still had a blast reading this (and the first post about Colin Campbell). "The anoited one"... *g* Great stuff.

By the way, do you know that Firefox doesn't show the box to write the comment in? Don't know if that's a general blogspot problem or a problem of my firefox. Just thought I'd let you know.

Eternal Pessimist said...

Thanks =)

Hmm.... I'm not sure what the deal is with the box not showing up. It seems to work on the three computers I tested and two do them have firefox...Hmm... Maybe it's your firefox. I've found firefox can be a little stubborn sometimes. On of my computers it freezes every time I try to open an adobe acrobat file and yet it doesn't do it on other computers.

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