Now you've done it Colin

You've enraged the Bruins fans.

You thought you could only anger the Habs and the Caps fans by dishing out lame and unfair suspensions, eh? (and I suppose the Canucks fans were a little ticked off when you didn't suspend Ben Eager for his hit on Rick Rypien in the playoffs).

Well, you failed.

Congratulations.

Walker punches out Ward (the Bruins D-guy) and what do you do? Nada! Oh no. Ward was just standing there and Walker punches him for no reason (fine. So Walker claims that he was anticipating a fight. Wow. Right now, I'm anticipating blood flowing in Raleigh tomorrow). And Colin, this would have been a great time to show that you're not as inept as people have been claiming all playoffs long. But nooooo, you just want me to change your name to "Colin the Inept", eh? Well, I think you just may have done it now.

I'm sitting here loving every moment of this actually - in a pathetic, angry, sort of way. This whole playoffs has just proved to me, how inconsistent you have been in suspending players. It's pretty ridiculous really.

At least I know that you're not just biased against the Habs. You're just totally inept. That makes me feel slightly better. Sorta. Although if Komisarek had punched Ward like Walker had punched Ward, then he'd be suspended for life. As it is, you fined Walker a few thousands dollars and enraged the Bruins fans. Yeah, all three or four of them.

Great job, Colin.

The Wonderful World of Colin Campbell Part 2

Colin paced around his room. He was anxious. His phone was ringing off the hook. He dared not pick it up though. No. He was too tired to deal with the hordes of angry people who were calling him up wondering why he had decided not to suspend Ben Eager and Mike Brown.

Didn't these people get that he had already dished out his suspension for the week when he suspended Donald Brashear? Jeez, did these people really have no idea how hard it was suspend a guy? It wasn't easy reaching into those two boxes and coming up with appropriate pieces of paper.

Colin rubbed his head. He had such a headache right now.... He was about to go and lie down when his cell phone rang. Only two people had that number. His wife and the boss himself. Ignoring either was not an option. Sighing, Colin picked up the cell phone and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Colin." It was King Gary. "What the heck is going on here? The phones have been ringing all day."

"Not really much I can do about that." Colin mumbled.

"Well, how about you start by explaining why you didn't suspend those two guys for those head shots? Give me something here, Colin. I have to tell the press something."

"Why?"

"Because as King of the NHL, it's my job to give press conferences." the king snapped. "Now give me something or else you're being demoted."

Colin wracked his brain. The pieces of paper weren't that specific. Think... think... he had to think of something. There was no way that he was going to be demoted over this. No way. "Well.... Rypien and Hudler didn't suffer any injuries, sir...and uh.... you know... if you don't suffer any injuries then there's no problem."

"But the press will say that they were still hit on the head."

"So? Lot's of people get hit on the head...."

"They'll argue that it's serious."

"But it's not. Hudler got back on the ice."

"They'll make some spiel about long term injuries." King Gary said. "Something about multiple hits to the head or something.. I dunno. People don't do this in basketball."

"It's not my problem what the media says!" Colin burst out. "They come out with such crap. Like the other day, they were actually suggesting that Ovechkin was better than the Anointed one. Can you believe that?! What crap.

Look. Hudler is a tiny guy anyway. He was asking to get run over. I have a perfect method for suspending people. It's tried and tested and it's been proven to be successful. I know what I'm doing here.

And short guys are just asking to get it anyway. I can't help it if someone's elbow is at the same height as his head. I mean look at Zdeno Chara... he's probably over twice the height of Hudler! He could practically step on him! Am I supposed to suspend him for that? That's being mean to tall people....right?"

There was silence on the other end.

"Your majesty?" Colin ventured after a few more seconds.

"What? Sorry. I was watching the Toronto Raptors. We should put another NHL team in Toronto...." King Gary said.

"Did you hear what I said before?"

"Yeah, yeah. If Chara's foot is larger than Hudler and he steps on Hudler than it's not a suspension...."

"That's not quite what I was saying though...

"Whatever. You're making me miss the game."

Before Colin could say anything else, King Gary hung up the phone. Colin shrugged. The King seemed to know what he was doing so that was all that mattered really... He sighed a sigh of relief and went off to go to sleep. It had been a hard day and he needed to catch some rest.

Meanwhile... the Aliens from Mars a la the Simpsons, could only stare at each other in confusion. This whole conversation that they had just witness made zero sense to them. Humans were so stupid sometimes....

The Wonderful World of Colin Campbell

It was late at night. The hockey games had all finished by this time. The people had all gone home and were now asleep or passed out somewhere. Even the fans had gone back home.

But not everyone was asleep. No, in the uppermost turret of Special Executive Suite No. 340 someone was still awake. Colin Campbell was hard at work. While the rest of the world got to sleep, the Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations was still awake. He had a tough decision to make. For you see, a few minor incidents had happened in the Stanley Cup playoff game between Washington and New York. He had received notice that Donald Brashear had taken out Blair Betts.

After looking at the video, Colin paced around for a few minutes before sitting down at a chair. He took out two omnious boxes and placed them on the table. Opening the first box carefully, he reached in and drew out a small slip of paper. As he unfolded it, the words "Pre-game incident" could be seen scrawled on it. Nodding slowly, Colin then reached into the second box and drew out another slip of paper. Upon unfolding it, the words "Automatic 10 game suspension" could be seen.

Colin frowned slightly. That was a little much... He reached back into the second box and pulled out another slip of paper. This time the words "1 game suspension" were scrawled on it. Ah much better.

Now. There was a little matter of the actual incident though....

The Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations reached into the first box and drew out a slip of paper. He sighed as he saw the words "tripping" on the paper. He had had a similar major issue not that long ago. When perpetual pest Sean Avery had gone spewing stuff about his ex-girlfriend, Colin had been left with quite the problem. You see, being a stupid idiot wasn't really a suspendable offense. But King Gary had insisted so much that he do something, that Colin had been forced to get a new piece of paper and write the words "dissing ex" and put the paper in the first box.

But back to the task at hand. What was he going to suspend this guy for? It clearly wasn't tripping. Colin reached back into the box. There had to be something that'd at least make some sense to someone.....

"Being Donald Brashear". Ah! That one made sense! Colin smiled and sighed with relief. Some days he job was so tough....

Now he just needed a decent amount of games to suspend the guy for and he was finished. Reaching into the second box, Colin pulled out a piece of paper that read "5 games for pretty much no reason". That made sense to him. So it must be right.

The Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations smiled and leaned back in his chair. Another night's tough work was done. Now it was time for nap....